Why don't you love yourself?

I think most people have at least a few things they think would make their life better and happier if they had them, be it a different hair color, a better body, a more expensive care, whatever. So why is it when we get the things we wanted so bad we're still not happy?

Nobody is ever happy with what they have, the people with curly hair want straight hair, the people with straight hair want curly hair, the people with brown hair want blonde hair and the people with red hair want brown hair. Girls in the U.S. go tanning to get darker skin, and girls in places like India want their skin to be paler.

One thing I've personally struggled with is body image, ever since I was about 12 or 13 I've always thought I was fat and that I needed to lose weight and look better. But once I do lose the weight, I find that I'm still not happy, I still don't love myself. And when I eventually gain the weight back, I put myself through torture getting back into shape, thinking for some reason that it'll be different this time. This time I'll look even better and then I'll finally love myself and be happy.

Why can't we just love ourselves the way we are? It just makes me sad that there are so many people in this world who are unhappy with who they are, everyone wants to look just like what the media has told us is beautiful.

And what about those people who seem so far from perfect but they are so confident in themselves, they so clearly love themselves that you completely over look those flaws. Those are the people whose examples we need to follow. Forget the fashion magazines with the unrealistically thin models. Be who you are.

That's what I'm going to start working on.

Undiagnosed

Recently I had to stop seeing my therapist due to insurance problems, since she wasn't in network we had to pay for all of it, none of it was covered by insurance, and we couldn't afford it anymore. So I stopped seeing her which sucked because I was just getting used to her, it takes me a long time to open up to people so I somewhat feel like she really didn't get a chance to help me because I couldn't really let her in. I'm dreading seeing a new therapist now, you would think that after seeing the first one it would be easier for me since I've already been exposed to it, but now it just seems harder, I even considered going without therapy, but that just seems out of question with the way my anxiety has been getting worse and worse.

So anyway, the main point of this post is that I have never been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, I was diagnosed with depression when I was 15 but I've never been formally diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Hopefully with this therapist (who is a psychiatrist) I can get a diagnosis and then get some techniques to help me specifically.

I just want to be stable, I want to change my life. I'm sick of being depressed, angry, anxious. I'm sick of hating myself so much, so I'm going to finally stop wishing and do something about it. Nobody's going to fix me, they can help me, but ultimately I have to fix myself. Wish me Luck!

Intro

Hi, my name is Mae, I'm a 19 year old girl starting my second year in college, and I live with chronic anxiety. This blog is just the first step in the journey that I have chosen to take in conquering my anxiety and living the life I have wished for, for years. I hope to raise awareness and give people an inside, up close perspective on what it is like to live with anxiety. And hopefully I can help other people out there who are going through the same things that I am. Feel free to comment, make suggestions, ask me questions, so on and so forth.


What is Chronic Anxiety?